The first thing people often say to me when we begin a session is, “I’m confused.” They then may proceed, with razor-sharp clarity, to articulate their feelings, thoughts, and circumstances. With great sophistication and ability to connect cause and effect they will outline their own problematic patterns of behavior, why they are concerned about a relationship, or what decisions they believe they should make. After these impressive and startlingly astute perceptions so many people will then slump in their seat, defeated, and say, “But I’m so confused.” Confusion becomes the self-constructed yet hollow wall that prevents them from moving forward.
Secure, confident people are rarely perfectionists. They have no need to control everything around them, and they don’t make futile attempts to prove their value through unobtainable goals. Instead, they accept their humanness with humility and patience. “Perfect” people tend to be anxious people. They are secretly afraid that they aren’t good enough, and that […]