Working with couples is one of the things that I enjoy the most about my job, and they make up the largest percentage of my practice. Some couples that I see are truly in crisis mode, and others are doing fairly well overall but want to explore how they can make their partnership even stronger. Many people entering couples counseling have concerns that the therapist will take someone’s “side”. When I work with couples I take a team viewpoint, meaning that either you both win or you both lose at having a functional and fulfilling relationship. There is not a focus on blame. I help each person understand how they contribute to the dynamics in the relationship and encourage both personal and shared accountability when addressing problems.
I help couples to more accurately understand what is driving the dynamics that are playing out in their relationship. Sessions with me are direct and interactive, and I give very concrete advice on what to work on to improve the relationship. Together we’ll focus on things such as: how your personality, childhood, and prior life experiences impact your relationship, how each of you perceive yourselves, your partner, and the world around you, the intent and motivations behind behavior, your individual needs, triggers, and attachment styles, and how you communicate and navigate conflict. I also focus on how to use empathy, humor, and positive interactions to bridge gaps and solve problems in a new way.
Common issues that I help with include communication problems, emotional and physical infidelity, emotional disengagement and distance, sexual concerns, anger and resentment, parenting problems, and struggles with alcohol use. I also work with couples who are in the process of separating or need assistance determining if they want to separate. If your partner is ambivalent about counseling I can meet with just one of you to provide support and guidance in how to better manage the relationship.
Typically I would meet with you as a couple for our first session, then I would bring each of you in individually for just one session. This allows me to gain some additional history about you. After that, we would meet again as a couple to continue with counseling. Homework assignments are often assigned as a part of therapy.
Counseling can help you to:
- Get through a crisis such as infidelity or loss
- Understand existing roles, expectations, and patterns in how you think and behave
- Improve how you communicate, handle conflict, and navigate needs for autonomy
- Explore and understand the strengths and vulnerabilities in your relationship
- Learn the importance of positive interactions, empathy, humor, and friendship
- Understand how your personal history and family dynamics impact your relationship
- Re-establish emotional and physical intimacy and address sexual problems
I have received formal training in the Gottman Approach to Couples Counseling.